Marionette

Photo courtesy of crystallyna.deviantart.com

She told herself a thousand times to take a drive.

Both hands on the steering wheel, she placed her foot on the peddle.

She didn’t go anywhere, the smoke never cleared.

This wasn’t what she envisioned.

Driving wasn’t her calling, yet she’d die a hundred times just to make them happy. 

That’s how it started, her path to self-loathing.

Her heart told her no and her brain said keep going.

Relationship after failed relationship, she tried to fix them.

Mold them into the perfect specimen.

No amount of sex, drugs or alcohol could make her love them.

Deep down she knew he wasn’t the one and yet she tried to save him.

She pulled him from the ledge and took it upon herself to tend to his wounds.

His scars mirrored her own.

He could never love her the way she wanted.

He could never hold  her the way she needed.

She put up a shield to make her stronger.
The sun counteracted the spell which made her weaker.

It dimmed her light, but it was still inside.

She watched herself strategically climb over the wires, careful not to set off the alarms.

A precious treasure awaited her on the other side.

Her heart murmured momentarily and that’s when she knew.

It wasn’t them.

It was you.

On the road

I remember that day as if it happened yesterday.
My throat raw from screaming as the tears remained streaky.
My chest was heaving as the images played slowly. 
I had a mouthful of fermented lies on our road to destruction.
Not a single worry in sight, my mind was made up.
I stared at the empty bottle in my hand and medication in the other.
One more foot in the coffin and I could have been amongst the stars.
You didn’t care whether I stayed and I didn’t care either.
You didn’t care that your secrets had consequences.
The tunnel approached again and the images went black.
My blood began to boil and I felt lost inside the numbness of my subconscious.
I clammed up, my heart beat within my ears.
This was it.
I was finally free.