It’s in the eyes

I can see myself in a spiral for control—
I’ve lost it all.
The virtue that is I is gone and I don’t know why.
Playing the role of a woman who has it all
I can’t help but cry because it’s a beautiful lie.
It’s in the eyes,
My soul on a display for an Oscar-winning award for the “best leading woman in a drama”
Looking up to the sky— there are no answers when the sun won’t shine.
I’ve got to know right now because the only truth is in the eyes.
One minute I’m fine and the next I’ve fallen to my knees, curled into a ball.
I must be blind—there’s more lies than truths and the anger won’t subside.
Look me in the eye and tell me everything will be alright.

An honest heart

I awaken from yet another sleepless night.
My mind spinning is circles as the ends begin to unravel.
Today, my mind may be in a fog of unanswered thoughts—
I have to know just where we stand.
Is it in or out?
This door is not revolving, it isn’t what it seems.
This is not a dream within a dream,
Nor an illusion of what it once seemed.
I dig my heels in deeper as I see a lunge within my near future.
I can’t envision life without you, but life with you is a complication that I can’t seem to tame.
Your words seep past your lips and I begin to wonder what ‘if’
Is that a lie you begin to form as your nostrils flare with disbelief that don’t quite match your eyes?
You forget, I know you so well.
I know your body as if it were my own.
Don’t tell a lie with another lie.
I want the truth this time.

A stranger’s eyes

I tossed and turned all night.
My heart nearly leapt through my chest as my mind spun me senseless.
Your words replayed over and over again as I tried to forget them.
My heart is heavy today as I remembered what was and could have been.
As the sweat trickled down my forehead I perceived you for who you once were.
Happy and unafraid, yet now as I gazed into the eyes of a familiar stranger, confusion washed over me.
The overwhelming sensation was like Novocaine and I felt nothing.
Happy pictures began to surface as the strangers baring their teeth stared back at me.
A heart once filled with hope now reeked of blackened deceit.
I’m wounded, but not weak.
A cat always lands on its feet.

The hand that scorched me

Sleep has yet to sink in.
My mind angry and slowly unraveling.
Subconsciously all I want to hear is that everything will be alright—
Of course I’m far too proud to utter the words aloud.
I was starting to get to the acceptance stage and my mind began to find peace only to be placed in shackles and my heart set on fire with my pleads.
“Was I in shock?,” you asked?
A part of me, yes, while the other felt the pain before the flames hit.
I could smell the flesh quickly burning and my body withering away to nothing.
One look at you and the flames were gone, but the pain very much so apparent.
A pain no one could possibly feel, but me.

Third’s the charm

photo courtesy of confident1.com

Back pressed against the cold, hard concrete
Troubled eyes facing the sky.
I wish I could take it back, because deep down I want to cry.
I am my own worst enemy
Sometimes I don’t have to try at all because this demon creeps in my ear,
Whispering things only god can hear.
Tempt me.
Wound me.
Try your best to bruise me.
I ache each morning when I open my eyes to the sound of my own heart beating within my chest.
A failed attempt, maybe a third, and then success.
Arms wrapped around me, intertwined like vines
I’d be lying if I said I was fine.
Back and forth I rock, finally, at last I rest.

Wonderland

The sting of pain that slices through her vein.
The blood stained skin brings the guilt of this hatred from within.
Quivering lips, not of sadness, but of the lustful rage that begs to be set free past the crimson eyelids of which she sees.
A frantic tremor pours over her as crystal glass goes soaring with the shatter down the wall filled with water.
Fingers clenched as it builds inside of her, an explosion she can no longer ignore.
Hands that were frozen become moving, breathing marionettes.
World war three has been unleashed.
She closes her eyes to envision wonderland
But tis only a dream.