Not so perfect world

I lay awake pondering recent events.
What is it I could have done better?
At times I feel as though I’m on display, placed inside a room filled with windows that I can’t see the other side to.
I lay here, eyes gazed toward the ceiling, trying to count all of the circles that were plastered on the walls, and I can’t concentrate.
My mind wanders to a vision from the future of worriers.
I am frightened.
I am alert.
I want nothing more than to wrap you in my arms and flash a dimpled smile, letting you know that everything is alright and yet I can’t.
The words don’t quite make it to my lips and my mouth faltered into the abyss.
Our lives are a show, long-extended soap opera and the rating have come in.
Everyone is watching us like hawks to their prey and I can’t win.
Nothing I say or do makes sense as my character stumbles into the murky water to drown one last time before restarting into someone else’s world.
This is the place where the nonconformists come to die.

 

Purpose

There is nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do as long as I have you.
I’d travel across the world and lay with you in the clouds while we watch the stars.
My body moves to the rhythm of your heart beat beneath my hand.
I am not enough, something is missing.
I feel incomplete.
I wake each day with a purpose, and today there is nothing.
I’m out of tune.
No graceful pep to my step
My eyes wander as if we just met.
I’ve failed you.
I’ve failed us.
I’m one step away from simply giving up.
We’ve retraced our steps and it’s suddenly out of sync.
My heart does not beat.
I do not breathe.
Lifeless and alone—I have nothing.

Northern Star

I can’t do this any longer
—My heart beats outside my chest
Exposing its self for the world to see.
My lungs are collapsing with every forced breath and brings me to my knees.
This could be it—
This could be the end of me.
Gazing upon the starry sky
I’ve found you,
My bright northern star.
I’ve been told to follow you if I ever feel lost
And I need you now more than ever before.
Your guidance will walk me through the night and back into your waiting arms.
I find myself still staring at you like some kind of stranger waiting for the familiar signal that you remember.
My swiftly beating heart pumps its fluids through me as I seek the sign that everything will be alright.
The numbness takes control as I gaze upon my frail body from a far
Feet cemented to the ground as the fight inside me brews, seeping down to my very being with ember that no longer only ignite
The gentle extinguishing wind that is you.
Watching as I flutter into nothingness
I cease to exist.