Raise the flag

I will hold my head high.

I refuse to allow you to see me cry.

The emotions will burn a hole through me before I allow another victory.

One swift tear is all it took to break me.

You stood idol and watched me shatter.

All I ever wanted was for you to hold me and wash away my fears.

Through tear drenched lashes I watched you take a step back.

Your face was drawn and your body held its regrets.

Let me have this for I am human.

I bleed bright crimson.

I curse the sailors tales too.

I shall pick myself up again the moment that I am through.

Tonight I do not have the energy to fight.

I raise my  white flag high—

Not because I’ve accepted defeat, but because even you deserve peace.

Silence is deadly

Whenever I dream, that is the only time I feel at peace—
Sadly because I’m sleeping.
I don’t have a worry in the world except the worry of myself.
Nothing I do seems to be enough.
There is always another step.
If I could travel back in time I’d travel to the place where your path crossed mine.
If given the option to travel down the road where we crossed or to choose another path I’d ask nature to start me anew.
So much has happened and I’ve lost myself along the way.
So many tears of heartache
So many words erased but we left muddied along the way.
If I were to leave this world, I would not be missed.
Life would go on and the world would finally heal.
A few pills in my belly and I’ll go like a silent breeze.

A haunting tale

I tossed and turned and the visions become more vivid.
At times they became harder and harder to decipher what was real and what was make-believe.
My heart beat raced as my eyes flung open with current dismal.
I was falling deeper and deeper into a fixation that only my mind could trace.
What of this dream that’s somehow inside of another fantasy, one of which my eyes have cast to play tricks on me?
My mind rambled to rehash itself only to come up empty.
Defense mode has set in and every little sound released melancholy tears.
I whispered to myself, but the more the words flowed the crazier I began to sound.
This dream I’ve seen play before me isn’t a dream at all.
It’s a memory.
A memory constantly on repeat so I’ll never forget what happened to me.

Crimson tide

A gentle rock back and forth is all I have left of this calm.
The moment I open my eyes to the nothingness that’s left behind I will know
Nothing is safe here.
Not anymore.
I rest my cheek upon my knees and whisper the words of comfort.
“Everything will be alright,” I say as my eyes remain closed.
The salt-filled droplets behind my eyes release themselves with sickened tears.
I do believe that the storm has passed, but the memories remain as if it’s all the same and I can’t bring myself to say no to you.
I envision your face in front of me the moment I open my eyes to spy on you.
The look of hurt that leaves its holes in my heart.
My voice has gone missing from the slash within my throat that has left my windpipe damaged from the gash.
I almost wish the knife wounds had killed me and took along my memories.
I’ve wished for nothing more than the haze to take over me and remember nothing.
Not even you killing me in my dreams.
I look back upon this day and I never saw it coming.
A shower led to this moment taken from bliss.
No smiles or laughter, but the puffed up eyes caused by shed tears.
I wish you well wherever you’ve gone from here.