Let it Burn

Photo courtesy of hookingupsmart.com

Today was supposed to be a good day.

I woke to the sun shining and thought everything would be ok.

I walked outside and a wrench kissed it all away.

There was anger in their faces and the words of pure hatred.

“How could he do this? I know him!” they chanted.

I was raised to think before I speak—to look both ways before crossing the street.

I was raised to be respectful and not share all of my goodies.

Today my heart hurt a little.

I wished I could undo what I said— but the words were in the air, strapped down with cement.

I wore the scarlet “A” and labeled a whore because I didn’t lie down and scream “more!”
Today it replayed in my mind the day I drank too much wine and passed out in a house that wasn’t mine.

I woke up to a  room I didn’t recognize.

It smelled of stale sex and cigarettes.

Someone touched me and I tried to shout for help.

A quick hand over my mouth and whispers of “Don’t scream” as he entered me.

Tears ran down my face as I stopped fighting.

He was too strong and my body too weak.

As I look outside my door and see you all stand there—judging me.

I too blame me.
I blame myself everyday, because I didn’t try harder to scream.

One day something may happen to your neighbors,friends, daughters, homeless woman down the street.

I hope you don’t judge them the same way you judged me.

Loveless suicide

To whomever this may concern,
Tonight I bring you my last entry.
I’ve grown too feeble and my heart too empty.
I stand here with it in my hands,
The sweet blade loving my skin as it opens me up and inside is my surprise.
Not a single drop of essence is shed, but the pain within me is all I have left.
It is mine and mine alone.
I’ve staked my claim and this is gold.
No one will notice; I will go undetected.
The blade reaches my chest and I take the plunge that is my death.
No one will come running.
I will not plead for help.
I’m free from myself as I shout “nevermore!” and black out.

A love like mine

We’ve been here before—
Eying each other through Plexiglas.
I want to be close to you right now.
I can feel my feet drifting toward you.
I have no other choice but to follow.
The closer I get the more I feel it.
You made me feel needed.
I needed to know that I was wanted.
My lips moist from the anticipated reunion.
I’m not strong enough to turn you down.
I want to keep you around.
My body aches whenever I think of you and a single tear escapes.
I want to be embraced and feel that blissful numbing sensation as we escape through the high.
I have nothing without you.
I am nothing—that much is true.
The feel of you upon my lips as you slid down my body is as close to home as I’ll ever get.